Not to save the righteous, but sinners

A tough couple of weeks here.  I got sick after my last swim which was Tuesday, the 16th.  Still congested and have laryngitis.  (My kids are happy I can't yell :)  So when my exercise flagged so did my eating.

I've been going through some emotional stuff which was catalyzed by the same book mentioned last time.  Basically, what can a Christian expect from non-Christian parents?  Are they capable of real love?  Do I have a "right" to feel rejected and inadequate because of the way they treated me?  Being 44 years old now I have to think that all that is past, and it is childish to dwell on things that happened so long ago.

Also there is no way to reconcile with my parents at this point.  My mother has been dead for 32 years, and my father is no longer mentally able to understand.  Looking back I can remember my older siblings having similar feelings at this stage of life.  They confronted our dad, and when there was no heart-felt repentance offered, they turned their backs on him.  

How does all this affect my weight issues?  Should it at all or should I be past it?  Am I looking for someone to blame?  Honestly, I have to say no.  I don't want to blame anyone.  What I'm after is truly knowing myself and what motivates me to think and act the way I do. 

If you have any insights, feel free to leave them here.

Hot 100 update and thoughts

Update on my goals:

1. Lose 36 pounds to get to 249.

Lost 11 pounds this week, got rid of a lot of water.


2.  Walk 100 miles.

Nearly half way there, will be past that after today's 5k timing.

3.  Get 5k time down to 43 minutes.

Phew!  This one's going to be a challenge.  Last timing was last Friday @ 50:51.  I was pleased!  The one before that was 54:00!

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A few thoughts based on a book I am currently reading and some of my own experience:

Food is not inherently evil. A pecan sticky bun or a creme filled donut is not the devil in food clothing. Food is meant to be pleasurable, tasty, satisfying. It shouldn't cast one into despair or leave one with waves of guilt.

Do you ever substitute chemical food for the genuine article?  How does it make you feel?  Think of one of your favorite recipes. It has butter, bacon, real sour cream, chicken thighs instead of breasts. You've just made that for your family and made the "lighter" version for yourself - chicken breasts, Smart Beat, turkey bacon, fat free sour cream. You take one bite and watch as your family enjoys what that bite SHOULD taste like.  How do you feel?  Deprived?  Resentful?  Self-pitying?  Wouldn't it have been better for you to have a "light" portion instead of a "light" version?  To have the real taste you LOVE instead of the fake taste you can have a little more of?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating a total abandonment of chemicals. For example, I will NEVER gain weight from what I drink. I simply refuse to waste calories that way when the calorie free substitutes are to me just as satisfying.

Today for dinner I could have had a turkey burger and a piece of fruit instead of the angle hair pasta with meat sauce and a lovely biscuit and Caesar salad my family had. There are days when I'm willing to make that sacrifice and spend the extra time cooking, but today wasn't one of them and that's okay!

What is a "real" food on which you will not compromise?    

Whoosh!

Though I hate the huge gain, oh how I love the whoosh!  However, I wouldn't recommend it as a dieting pattern to follow. (Hey!  Where are the smileys on this thing? lol)  Eleven pounds lost this week.  Yes, I was indeed floating a week ago today.  Back on land and into a new "decade" - the 60's!

(Right now as I write this I'm eating Wheat Chex.  Don't you love how "meaty" it is?  Really substantial food.)

Recently I bought a pretty "dessert" plate on which to eat my meals - one of those trendy square jobs with a lovely design.  The reason?  As part of my portion control program, the food I eat is swallowed up in my big dinner plates.  This way I can deceive myself a little into thinking I'm actually getting a good amount of food, though the portions are fairly small.

This week I will be joining another health club facility which has a pool so I can train for the swimming portion of the tri.  I'm a bit trepidatious about this because I hate how I look in a swimsuit.  My legs are just hanging with cellulite and extra skin - my arms too.  I have to block those feelings of inadequacy, ignore the stares and go full speed ahead.  This is what's best for my health.

Do what is best for you today!

This is hard!

This will certainly take some getting used to.  I don't get this blogspot thing at all.  Please be patient with me while I figure it out.  Many people said they found my other site to be too hard to deal with, so I came over here.  Hopefully I'll get it soon.  Any of you "pros" out there, feel free to give me some advice!